Dark Chest of Wonders
by theresnomeaning
Summary: Hermione could evoke in him the most beautiful love and the darkest emotions at the same time. And maybe it was worth the despicable act he committed. A bit dark. One-shot.


_**Summary: **__Hermione could evoke in him the most beautiful love and the darkest emotions at the same time. And maybe it was worth the despicable act he committed. A bit dark._

_**Warnings:**__ OoTP, HBP and DH never happened. Dark themes. OoC._

_The title is taken from Nightwish's homonym song, but its lyrics have nothing in common with this story, it is just the title that fits (I think)._

**Dark Chest of Wonders**

Harry and Hermione were in the peace of their home in Godric's Hollow. He was the Defence Against the Dark Arts' professor at Hogwarts, and Hermione the Transfiguration's. They had three children - Albus Sirius, Lily Luna and James Ronald. The latter was named after their deceased friend, Ronald Weasley. Harry hadn't really wanted to give that name to his son, not really, but he never told Hermione that, he wasn't really akin to discuss that with _her_, not with anyone.

Perhaps it was because of the guilt.

**~ . ~**

**Twelve years ago **

Harry had never really had something for him. He had his invisibility cloak, but that wasn't something he had wanted, craved. It was given, simply given. He didn't have a lot of people on his life either. The Dursleys hated him, and he hated them back.

And then there was Hermione. People didn't use to say she was beautiful, her mind was what people had to comment about. But for Harry she was. Her brown eyes, like chocolate, were so deep that he could lose himself in them. Her smile was sweet and wicked at the same time. And he loved her voice. He loved everything about her.

But Harry wasn't used to have something - or someone - for him. And then he watched as Hermione and Ron grew closer. They would end up together, Harry knew that. He kept telling himself that it was all right, that he would find someone else, that _he_ would be all right.

And he tried to find someone else. He pictured himself, ten years in the future, with Ginny. It didn't work. He thought about Luna. No, really... He even thought about the Slytherin girl, Daphne Greengrass, who was very pretty... But no, he wanted Hermione.

Sometimes Harry's thoughts used to get very bitter. What did Hermione see in Ron? Surely, Harry himself wasn't the intellectual, brilliant kind, but he was way smarter than Ron. Much more fitting to Hermione. He was more handsome. He was rich. Hell, one day he caught himself using the argument that he was the boy who lived - as much as he hated the stupid title.

Though Ron and Hermione were getting closer they never really got together - perhaps because of the war. Harry dreaded that one day they would. He didn't want to think about the day in which he would have to smile because they were marrying. He didn't want to think about the children they would have together. If it wasn't so suspicious, Harry mused that he would treat their children just like Snape treated him if he ever got to teach at Hogwarts after the war - a war he knew was coming.

But Harry kept all those feelings buried deep inside. His love, his resentment and his need; but hose feelings kept growing. Proportionally.

However, Harry also liked Ron. He was his friend, after all. A good friend, most of the time. That did keep his resentment at bay. And Harry tried to tell himself that he was a good, noble, honourable Gryffindor. That he wanted Hermione to be happy, even if not with him.

In Harry's fifth year the war began, and it lasted for four years. Deaths, torture, people disappearing. Terror, terror everywhere. And he didn't have anyone to comfort him. To hug him and tell that everything was going to be fine in the end. That he would make it.

There was no one to ask him to survive Voldemort, to need him to do so. That hurt. But he buried that with his other not-so-good feelings.

When Dumbledore died he felt lost. The man was the closest thing of a father that he had. And that made him wonder how would it feel if Hermione died. He would hunt down the bastard and kill them in the most cruel way. And wallow in pain afterwards.

It seemed that Hermione could evoke in him the most beautiful and strong love, and the darkest emotions at the same time.

In the last battle he didn't got exceptionally mad when Bellatrix Lestrange killed his godfather, and neither when Lucius Malfoy almost killed Remus. But when the same woman who had taken Sirius' life pointed her wand towards Hermione - all the while calling her a mudblood - Harry saw red.

He killed her with a quick killing curse.

Most people did not notice Harry's emotions when he did that, or they didn't say anything about that, at least. One person, obviously, noticed - of course, that man noticed everything.

In the middle of the heated battle, came word that Voldemort had kidnapped Ron, and that Harry was to go and face the Dark Lord - alone - or his friend would be killed.

Harry went to face Voldemort, who said that if Potter tried anything 'funny' Ron would be killed on the spot. Doholov's wand was at Ron's neck. Harry stood there, frozen. Then he had an idea. Those dark feelings choosing the wrong time to surface. It was only a second, but a second that changed everything.

He pointed his wand at the Dark Lord. And Ron was, obviously, murdered.

In the end, Harry defeated Voldemort and passed a month in the hospital, unconscious because of magic depletion. When he woke up the first person he saw was her.

Her brown eyes looking at him with worry and happiness at the same time. It was like sunshine, so beautiful, so warm.

In the following months Harry was consumed by guilt. He kept telling himself that it wasn't his fault, that Voldemort would kill Ron anyway.

But he knew that for a moment he had wanted Ron dead. And now Ron was dead.

And then, in some crazy moments, he blamed Hermione.

He passed the first six months after that blaming himself, feeling like a monster. And she was there with him. All the time. It was like a curse.

In the end, he thought that if he had already killed his friend he might as well get what he wanted with that despicable act. He approached Hermione. It was easy, they were both hurt, needing someone, some comfort.

**~ . ~**

Harry looked at his children. They were so beautiful. Lily looked a lot like Hermione, but had a personality more like his. James and Albus both looked like a mixture of him and his wife.

Hermione looked at him and smiled. That warm smile. Her eyes shone with love.

He had a beautiful family, a lovely wife, a wonderful life.

In times like that, he had no regrets for what he did.

_Fin._


End file.
